10 Things I've Finally Learned

(in no particular order)

1. Letting go is better, sometimes. Even if you're not good at it. Even if it hurts all the while. You shouldn't have to fight for some things. If you do, they weren't worth it to begin with. Sometimes, life gets in the way. If a separation happens, but you come back together later, it's probably genuine. So it goes.

2. Chbosky was right: We accept the love we think we deserve. If you don't love yourself truly, you won't allow anyone else to, either.

3. It's OK to not be OK.

4. Do not ignore your own needs. Not for long, anyway.

5. It really is the little things. Be reasonable, but don't deny yourself.

6. You should always be developing and growing yourself. Learn, change, move. That's life.

7. "Call few people enemies and call fewer people friends." * Watch who you open your heart to.

8. "Don't do it for the wealth; do it all for the love. Love everything you do and do nothing halfheartedly." *

9. "Be what you speak, man. Never speak on what you be." * Only you can do you. Respect yourself and be who you are.

10. You are responsible for your inner peace. You can let people or situations rob you of it, but ultimately? It's on you. Hold onto it.




* lyrics taken from Deep Puddle Dynamics' song "The Scarecrow Speaks" which contains an insane amount of quotable lyrics. We can talk about my attachment to that song in another post.

People, Words, Music, and Lack

I turned 30 in December, and since then, I've come to a lot of realizations about life and where I want to be and what everything means. It's a bit like I disappeared into the book The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and instead of coming up with 42, I got the real answer. Not that 42 isn't a real answer. Or something. And if you don't get that joke, I'm very sad for you.

Anyway.

Thing is, for several years, I've done what was easy for me.

Roughly translated: My life has sorely been lacking in passion.

I don't mean in my marriage or my friendships or whatever. And obviously, I've been writing a ton for the last few years, both on this blog and in other places, but what I mean is that I go to work, I come home. I go to work, I come home. I go to work. I come home.

And I'm bored all the while.

Because the fact of the matter is that I don't care about accounting, and that's what I work in, mostly because it's easy for me to get a job in that arena, and therefore: I am bored. I do good work, I'm efficient, and it's simple, for me. But I'm bored.

I did an inventory - a balls out sort of inventory, where I really tried to iron out my priorities. At the end of the day, here's the short list of things I care about, save my immediate family and friends (who are, generally speaking, more like family than most of the people who are technically classified as family based on genetic connectivity):

- people (both in and out of my life)
- words (i.e. writing and reading)
- music (no explanation necessary)

Yeah. No math.  No numbers. No office work.

Go figure.

So, anyway, this has been a really long, rambling way to get around to this announcement:

I'm going back to school, hopefully this fall, to get my Master's in Counseling from Saint Ed's. It's a 2-3 year program, exceptionally affordable by comparison to most of the other programs in this area, and I want it so bad I can taste it. Ken is wholly supporting, and feels a bit like "I told you so!" because he predicted this would happen years ago, as most people know.

When I think about what this would allow me to include in my life, I am giddy with excitement. I could work with people, day in, day out. I could make a difference in their lives, just by listening and offering quiet thoughts in return, if they want them. I could probably work part time and make more than I make doing my stupid accounting job, and I'd be happier, to boot. And that happiness? It's worth the strain of preparing to take (and ace?) the GRE, as well as managing life with a husband (who will also be in school) and a precocious daughter and school, all at once. Also, a social life.

Anyway.

So, yes, hopefully, you're reading the blog of a graduate of Saint Edward's University, Class of 2015 or 2016. Seeing LPC/LMFT behind my name is going to be pretty damn awesome.

P.S. For those of you wondering, yes, I am still querying my manuscript, and yes, I will still be writing. I will always write. Period.
P.S.S. It's Licensed Professional Counselor/Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I'd want both certifications.